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(these jokes are not meant to offend anyone - take them in good humour)

How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?

The dog knows when to stop scratching!

Why is a violinist like a SCUD missile?

Both are offensive and inaccurate.

Why do violinists put a cloth between their chin and their instruments?

Violins don't have pit valves.

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?

A flat minor

What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A flat major

How do you get two piccolos to play in unison?

Shoot one.

Why is a bassoon better than one oboe?

The bassoon burns longer.

What is a burning oboe good for?

Setting a bassoon on fire.

What is the definition of a half step?

Two oboes playing in unison.

What is the definition of a major second?

Two barogue oboes playing in unison.

What is the definition of a "nerd"?

Someone who owns their own alto clarinet.

Whats the difference between a SCUD missile and a bad oboist?

A bad oboist can kill you.

What's the difference between a saxaphone and a lawn mower?

1. Lawn mowers sound better in small ensembles.

2. The neighbours are upset if you borrow a lawnmower and don't return it.

3. The grip.

more jokes to come - so please visit again.

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